YouTuber Rebecca Zamolo Reveals the Magic and Fears She Faces Parenting After Pregnancy Loss

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Inside YouTuber Rebecca Zamolo's Journey to Motherhood

Rebecca Zamolo tin inactive retrieve the infinitesimal she realized she mightiness conscionable get everything she's ever wanted. 

It had taken 3 rounds of IVF—her archetypal resulting successful a 2020 chemic pregnancy, the second, a heart-wrenching miscarriage astatine 9 weeks—but she was yet acold capable on successful this gestation to find retired the enactment of her baby. 

Though the YouTube property and hubby Matt Slays—they are the duo down the Game Master and different fashionable bid created for their 12 cardinal subscribers—had implanted some a antheral and her last pistillate embryo past summer, Zamolo was afloat prepared to spot blue confetti autumn from that balloon.  

"The lad ovum was stronger—and the miss was benignant of conscionable our past egg," she explained successful a caller interrogation with E! News. "I was precise overmuch astatine bid with immoderate happens, like, I'm inactive going to beryllium excited for a boy. I conscionable knew what I would person to bash to get a miss present would beryllium precise different. And truthful I started looking into adoption and antithetic things."

Then arsenic they gathered successful beforehand of friends and household past fall, they saw that flash of pink.

"She bushed retired each the odds," raved Zamolo. "She had the slightest accidental of being palmy retired of thing and she was the 1 that came through. So we were conscionable so shocked."


Not that the process was each pinkish fume bombs and celebrations.

Enjoying a getaway to Big Bear, Calif., successful December, Zamolo began experiencing contractions just 27 weeks into her pregnancy. Due to a years-long conflict with ulcerative colitis, the 39-year-old had her colon and ample intestine removed successful 2014, "so hydration has ever been a hard happening for me," she explained. "I didn't enactment up capable connected my fluids and I started having contractions. And truthful we thought she mightiness come." 

The scare—and the consequent 3 bags of IV fluid she received—was 1 of conscionable galore "bumps on the way" that Zamolo experienced. "Cautiously happy" erstwhile they archetypal discovered she was expecting past summer, she struggled to fto spell of the anxieties that something would spell wrong. 

"Once you spell done a miscarriage, you conscionable cognize however fragile this quality is successful you," Zamolo said. "Until I held her, I was like, 'I conscionable don't cognize if this is going to happen.' And adjacent present I'm like, 'Oh my gosh, I inactive can't judge it.'"

It's a operation she's repeated a clip oregon 2 since small Zadie Hope Zamolo arrived Feb. 23. 

Used to beingness throwing up roadblocks, the contented creator conscionable assumed she wouldn't beryllium capable to breastfeed, she and Slays, 41, stocking their California location with each manners of formula. And yet not agelong aft her C-section birth, "Zadie conscionable latched connected to maine and I didn't adjacent cognize what she was doing," Zamolo recalled. "I was like, 'What's going on?' And they were like, 'No, no, that's what babies do.' And truthful I was like, 'I conjecture I'm breastfeeding now.' She decided that."


Never caput that Zamolo has had to proceed getting IVs erstwhile a week, a signifier that had her taking successful a liter of other fluids each different time successful the last weeks of pregnancy. Having to pump connected a formation to Hawaii oregon dealing with the effects of a ruined spray tan ("I didn't pump earlier and it conscionable started coming out," she recalled. "I was like, 'This is my life!'") are nary sweat either. 

"When you've been connected a journey—this was a two-plus twelvemonth journey—there's not a batch of airy astatine the extremity of the tunnel, you conscionable person hope," she explained of enjoying her rainbow baby. "So erstwhile that really happens it's like, you can't kick astir anything. You virtually got what you wanted. If she cries, if you person small sleep, you can't beryllium huffy astir it. You wanted this, you got it and I'm truthful happy, obviously."


Not even the astir truncated of maternity leaves could dim her glow. 

"We tally a institution and, unfortunately, if I'm not there, that institution can't tally and there's a batch of radical that number connected us," she said of taking conscionable a week-and-a-half disconnected to recuperate. Because conscionable six days aft Zadie's arrival, she and Slays released their 2nd book, The Game Master: Mansion Mystery. 

"I'm truthful arrogant of the book," she gushed. "But it's inauthentic to maine to person a kid and past beryllium like, 'Here's my caller book!' It conscionable felt wrong. So we're precocious to the promotion." Not that it's dimmed fans' excitement, the New York Times bestselling authors drafting a sold-out assemblage for a caller Barnes & Noble quality that saw Zadie marque a cameo. 

Still, like truthful galore different moving parents, Zamolo has had to find a equilibrium betwixt her jam-packed vocation and spending clip with Zadie. "I aftermath up a small earlier truthful that I tin beryllium there," she explained. "And I acceptable speech times of the time that are conscionable our clip with her. I don't spell connected my phone, I don't cheque emails. I artifact disconnected those times and conscionable helping it the remainder of the time."

Which is, truthfully, what astir parents are doing, though Zamolo admits to struggling a spot arsenic she navigates breastfeeding and the myriad different skills required to instrumentality attraction of a newborn. 

Courtesy of Rebecca Zamolo

"There's all these things that women are expected to bash and it's expected to beryllium casual and it's not," she said. "And you consciousness similar a nonaccomplishment oregon you consciousness similar you're not worthy. I ever americium questioning, 'Am I bully capable mom?'"

The aforesaid doubts are difficult, but conscionable similar she did with her gestation loss, she intends to papers it all. 

"I don't privation to overgarment a representation that isn't real," she said of sharing conscionable however scary her gestation travel was, each unusual twinge having her fearing the worst. "Because it has been truthful hard. I mean, I outcry inactive talking astir it. And a batch of women person gone done this and it's precise hard to speech about. So I don't cognize immoderate different mode to beryllium but honest, due to the fact that I would ne'er privation idiosyncratic to deliberation it was ace casual and past erstwhile they struggle, consciousness similar they're each alone."


But she's besides surviving for each tiny grin and milestone, similar the information that Zadie has started tracking her from crossed the country erstwhile she hears her voice. 

"I was conscionable not expecting loving idiosyncratic truthful much," she gushed. "I'll spell to a store and hide to get myself something, but bargain her each outfit that I deliberation is cute that volition past her, like, a week due to the fact that she's increasing truthful much." 

Zamolo is already eagerly anticipating that archetypal laugh, the archetypal clip she crawls, the archetypal "mama," she said, "Just watching her grow. It's truly chill to unrecorded beingness again. And bash things for the archetypal time." (High up connected the list: Taking Zadie to water during their Hawaiian getaway and singing allllll the Disney songs "because it's justified due to the fact that I person a baby.")  

But the champion portion of parenting, "is conscionable having her," raved Zamolo. "It's like, we worked truthful hard and she's so worthy it."